Saying Goodbye-prematurely

It's been a challenging week - in the midst of my own personal grief work related to letting go of this position I came into the office this past Tuesday to be asked to go over to the local Middle School as the 6th graders had experienced the loss of a classmate of theirs.

I spent the around six hours at the middle school with our Youth Pastor on Tuesday and another 3 hours or so doing some wrap up on Wednesday. The picture that was given to me of this girl was that she celebrated and loved life to the fullest. In the midst of being her own unique individual, she apparantly had a heart that looked out for others who didn't quite fit the middle school mold and took them under her wing. For many of these students it was the first time a peer had passed away, or it brought up many unresolved losses of grandparents or divorced parents in their own lives.

Yet the one issue that I heard over and over again from kids was that they never had a chance to say "sorry." I shared with those that I was listening to that most adults would agree that the WORST years of school would be middle school. Everyone is trying to fit in and you're still trying to figure out who you are, and the last thing in the world that one wants to do is stand out and be DIFFERENT! I had the girls/guys try to channel some of that regret into creating a book of "lessons that X taught them." It seemed to be helpful and appreciated by the counselors who were in and out of the safe room.

Working with grieving kids is never easy. My first weeks in ministry in Oregon had me working with parents, adults and kids as one of our beloved families was involved in a horrific car accident where the mother was seriously injured and the oldest daughter killed. Previously, I've worked with families involved in murder/suicides and I think that the most challenging ones are those whose deaths are unexpected.

The last bit of news which I heard at the school this week was that this girl's life was truly a miracle. An undiagnosed defect was the root of her passing, and in reality it is a miracle that she lived 12 lively and energy packed years.

And in the meantime, please keep my Aunt's family in your prayers as we received word on Wednesday evening that my 48 year old cousin was found dead in his apartment. His life will be remembered.

For those of you who work are interested in "boning up" on your grief work skills I recommend two programs that are outstanding in their work.

Rainbows - (http://www.rainbows.org/) is a nationally recognized grief recovery and support group for children and their families experiencing a wide variety of loss - from divorce recovery to death of sibling/parent. They have a wonderful facilitator training program which I was able to participate in and later facilitated groups through a Hospice program at a major medical center.

Dougy Center (http://www.dougy.org/) is another nationally recognized support group founded in Portland, Or.