This past weekend was the first weekend I flew "solo" so to speak - Pentecost Sunday, the birth of the church, the birth of new vision and ministry even though I often wonder along with scholars whether or not Jesus or the first disciples ever really planned on starting something outside of Judaism in the first place. If I were pressed for an answer at the moment, I would have to say that I line up in the camp that doubts an intentional departure, rather a new movement emerged over time due to culture and other influences that cropped up over time.
I've been fully emersed in Church History and Christology for the past week, partially trying to make up work for my Systematics 2 course online. The move and loss of computer for four weeks threw my GPA into a tailspin and I am grateful for my theology professor (Shout out to you Dr. K!) has been willing to let me make it up. In my experience at Fuller, that rarely happens and I think I exhausted all of my grace a couple of years ago when life got unduly hairy for me personally and I had too many balls juggling in the air. That has been a problem that I have had for too long and I am making it one of my primary areas of focus now.
In a way it seems that at the root of the situation was a lack of being grounded. I remember having a Spiritual Director who once had me step into a hula hoop and shared with me that "everything in the hoop is my stuff, everything outside of it is someone elses stuff." Boundaries 101 in a very tangible way. She then had me try to balance while trying to stand in two hula hoops located a distance away from the other. Needless to say it was challenging at best. The past two years have seemed that way for me up and down the board. One priest that I have mentioned in the past in this blog, Christopher, introduced me to the idea of mindfulness from a Christian perspective. Having been immersed in a religious culture that didn't subscribe to that idea, it was like a breath of fresh air had blown through my soul and spirit when I heard it. The challenge has been to really incorporate that idea into my daily life. I tried to make sure that I would have my "quiet time" in the morning, that I would have "Devos" (yep, I was a Campus Lifer can you tell?) at night, bible study group, Sunday School class, etc. but always felt more exhausted than I did grounded. When I became a part of the Episcopal Church, Christopher and others introduced me to the concept of a Rule of Life. I had let that Rule which I created get away from me when I moved to Oregon after realizing that what worked for me in LA wasn't going to work up there.
Funny thing is in this move, the Rule came with me. I found it easy to jump back into it from the start. At the moment, the Rule that I am incorporating into my life kinda looks like this:
Morning Devotional Prayer when I am walking Diva - I use prayer beads to help me focus - you know that "shiny object syndrome" problem I have. I pray one of the oldest and I think most beautiful prayers that I have learned called the Trisagion "Holy God, Holy and Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us." Four times during the time I stop and I pray (praise for the created day and worship to the Creator God, reflection, confession and dedication of the day, prayers for family, friends and finally my immediate world, the nation and the world universal.) It takes me about a half an hour which means I am not only spending focused time in prayer but also getting a good walk in for both myself and Diva.
Praying the Office: I have to admit that I struggle with making time at night for Evening Prayer and Compline while I am temporarily housed at my Aunts because I don't have a space reserved for this but will soon.
Journaling I've found that this has been some of the most productive time that I've had to this point, until I can find a spiritual director here in the Bay Area, this has been a blessing in disguise. Richard Peace, one of my professors at Fuller demonstrated how to use journaling as a spiritual discipline in his "Pursuit of Wholeness" class and I've been using the time in that manner.
But by far the most important thing has been to take time for me. That means, making sure that I don't skip my Sabbath rest. I'm not a pro at this and I often find myself leaning towards giving that up for school, errands etc. But I am pressing on in keeping the day holy. Will let you know how it goes in the future.
Actually, now that I look at what I am doing, I'm realizing that much of what I am doing emerged out of my time at my parish in Beverly Hills and from the Pursuit of Wholeness class - never saw the connection before. The result so far is that I while life is busy, the demands still present - seminary, a new job, new environment and surroundings - there is a sense of stability...groundedness that is new. It's all new, and I have hopelessly been the type in the past to start something and then let it slide, my prayer is that this time I am willing to put my need(s) for groundedness first before all other things so that I can model what I share with others.
On a side note - I tried transferring my Y membership out here but the only Y close is in Pleasant Hill which is too much of a drag driving and honestly I'd find every excuse in the book not to go to the gym. So I found out that Fuller has a discount at 24Hr Fitness. Signed up this weekend and am having my first of 5 personal training sessions tomorrow afternoon. I got a discount on those sessions figuring that it would be better to have a professional training help me get off to a good start working out after a major back injury than going in halfcocked and injuring myself all over again. I have some paperwork to fill out before then - eating habits, favorite foods, exercise level etc. Talk about making me feel like a total couch potato. I used to move so much more than I did before I started grad school, I need to stop making excuses and do it again - I guess making it a fixed part of my schedule is going to be a non-negotiable item.
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