Instead of Christmas as usual....

Consider doing something different. An alternative to the same old/same old.

Consider how your contribution of time, talent and treasure in ways other than presents can impact more lives than the receiver of a gift that will wear out, break down and eventually be tossed aside.

It's worth the consideration.

Building Confident Young Women

In the past, when I have been interviewed for ministry related positions I have had many individuals get stuck when they read my educational and research related experience. Yes, my major is pretty banal (psychology) yet my minor is what tends to raise eyebrows occassionally - sociology with a concentration in human sexuality.

What's a nice, Christian girl like me doing studying such a topic as SEX you might ask? Actually, the assumptions begin to fly through some knuckle-dragging neanderthal's heads when they also see that I have been a card-carrying member of the Episcopal Church and strongly moving towards ordination to the priesthood at one time in my life. All of a sudden I have to clarify some interesting stereotypes.

Yet the reality is that for far too long many in the more conservative world have discounted the role of sexuality in the church and in the lives of Christ followers. Sex is a good thing. It is a gift given to us by the Creator to enjoy within the proper confines. We live in a hypersexualized culture. The messages that surround us are grounded in misconstrued sexual images. Men and women are objectified rather than respected. Perceptions of what constitutes beauty are contorted to where they no longer represent reality.

My undergraduate thesis surrounded the pressures on youth with regards to sexuality and sexual activity. We'd like to think that our youth are all being abstinent, yet Jennifer Parker writes in a March/April 2003 issue of Christianity Today that "specific studies of sexual trends among Christian teens have been limited, but all indications are that, on average, there is little difference between their sexual behavior and that of non-Christian youths, other than a tendency to delay their first sexual experience slightly longer." My thesis and belief was if we can provide small group learning experiences, coupled with increasing a youths positive self concept and emotional stability their ability to make choices which include abstinance would increase and/or continue to raise the age of first encounters. At the time, research was very limited on the outcomes, yet longitudinal and anecdotal evidence does indiate that teens who foster spiritual and social relationships within a church or parachurch setting do seem to do better than their counterparts with abstinence issues.

So, how do we begin to encourage and educate our children? As soon as they begin to recognize body parts. Use language that is age appropriate when explaining to children their body. Don't use baby language. Begin to affirm the beauty of their bodies, how uniquely they are created by God. As our children begin to mature, I hope that the children's ministries of the future will have a safe place for girls and guys to begin to address the changes and challenges that begin in their preteen years.

This past week we began our first foray into this realm. After listening to many parents, I began to discover that Christian parents are also at a loss as to how to begin to walk their children through the begining stages of adolescence. Many feel ill equipped because of the decisions they made in their youth; others struggle with how little/much to share and when to do so. Still others struggle with what is an appropriate way to introduce their children to the larger issues that they will undoubtedly face in life, school and social settings - and yes, even in the Church. After several months of research and finding parents comfort levels, discussing the desire to start a group such as this with my EP and getting his support and buy-in, "Faith Girlz" was born.

"Faith Girlz" is a seven-week small group experience for preteen girls in 4th-6th grades. Our first small group experience covers the beginning issues that our youngest preteens are beginning to experience. Health and nutrition; Exercise; Clothing; Self-Respect; Media Influences; Body Care are all tackled. Our 90 minute group time includes a check in period where the girls give feedback on their weekly assignments and their reading. We then have a 30 minute presentation on the topic with time for questions and feedback. A project that allows time to begin assimilating the information follows followed by an opportunity to ground the topic in Scripture.

Our first meeting was this past week - and VERY exciting! We had to increase the size twice to fit in all the requests and have 13 young girls participating in this group. Oh they fit the demographics of pre-teen girls so well. This past week we set out our expectations for small groups, introduced the first word in our faith girlz vocabulary (puberty) and discussed nutrition. We created our personal food pyramids on large conference sized post-it's and labeled our favorite foods in each appropriate section (based on the new USDA's Food Pyramid) Finally, we enjoyed healthy snacks and created a fruit smoothie with a surprise of cabbage and carrot included! Our dare for the week is to find and prepare (and eat!) a new fruit or vegetable or find a way to prepare a fruit or vegetable that the girls do not like.

The response from the girls was that the time was a hit. From parents the feedback almost immediately was astounding. One mom wrote me in an email:

"_______ really enjoyed faith girls, part one! I am working to rearrange our vacation times so she won't miss any of them. I am so excited that you've started this opportunity for the girls because honestly, half the time I find myself struggling with what to say to my little 'preteen.'

Pending the response of this group, we will look into a second in the series on exploring physical, social and emotional changes. This one would be done with parents participation - including medical, social and psychological experts to help guide parents in dealing with important questions.

I also want to have a group similar to this for young boys called "God Guys." It's interesting that I am finding it a challenge to get two young men to facilitate the group. I don't know if it is due to fear an apprehension which I wouldn't be surprised or challenges with regards to their own adolescent experiences. If anyone wants to chime in on reasons they believe the reluctance might be there I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Sunday Reflection - 525,600 minutes

525,600 minutes,
525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
Measure in love. Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes!
525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.
It’s time now to sing out,
tho the story never ends
let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.

Remember the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love.

This past Thursday marked the one year point back in the Bay Area. It really has been a fresh start in many ways. I find myself on a regular basis using all the discoveries that I've made over the past in my daily life. I knew several years ago it was time to invite God into some of the more deeper areas of my life experience and seek some real, permanant healing. I didn't know at the onset how deep some of the wounds were. Never connected some of the quirks that I had developed with the reason they originated in the first place. Then, once I made the discovery it was learning how to become aware of when/how my buttons were pushed. And boundaries - lots of boundary work. It has been the quintessential "Romans 7" experience of recovery.

I share that because this year has been such a refreshing year. The year that things are beginning to make sense - where I can see the benefit of having gone through all the muck to have moments like I am now. So how do I measure the year in my life?

*In new vision, renewed purpose/passion
*In being stretched and discovering I won't break
*In learning that it is good to ask for help
*In quiet moments, cups of coffee and reflection
*In the gift of long time friendships, and the promise of new ones *In realizing that it isn't "all about me"
*In not buying into the lies of my past
*In seeing God take a vision and start laying the foundation
*In the sense of calm and contentment
*In discovering that God continually is giving me all I need
*In stronger boundaries
*In learning when to speak and when to be quiet
*In understanding the power of speaking blessings

Yesterday I had an opportunity to not revert back to my former actions. I'm a perfectionist at heart, and don't like when things go wrong that are outside of my ability to "fix". When a situation with a vendor rose up a few weeks ago, I began to obsess about it, and realized that it was hitting on one of those old beliefs - that I don't like disappointing people. I let it eat at me for half an hour and then looked at the situation, the options and did what I could to rectify things on my end, communicating to the person where my limits were. In response the person sent me an email this morning telling me how much they appreciated me.

Had I allowed myself to get worked up about the situation to the extent that I have in the past, I would have missed out on the lessons learned this week. Instead, I had a chance to see the positives that have happened in ministry this year, recognize what I have done that is blessing others. See the relationships that have begun, and the ministry relationships that I am developing - and the new friendships that God has blessed me with. And at the end of the day I realize that it is really all about relationships, all about love and all about God working in us in ways we'd never conceive once give permission to move the furniture.

"You Can Come to My Birthday Party"

Building Bridges was an incredible experience. I have never seen a group of people (both volunteer staff and our teams) work so well together and so hard. We sent out over 150 individuals throughout the San Ramon Valley to do everything from clearing trails, painting ball walls and cleaning yards to staying behind and packing care packages for troops in Iraq/Afghanistan and making lunches/cooking dinner here at church. This is a HUGE deal I discovered throughout the day. The logistics were amazing. The planning goes beyond what I was seeing/listening as we met throughout the summer and into the Fall. It really is true that you have to witness something sometimes to get a good perspective on what it really takes to pull off an event such as this successfully. There were some great moments out of the weekend. Our children had their own program at church while their parents were out serving. Our project was drawing/designing Christmas cards for the troops. And they were precious. We narrated the cards with what the children wanted to say to them. Before we had them get working on the cards we took them to the staging area where the boxes were packed, had them see some pictures of soldier whose mom's are part of the Blue Star Moms and showed them where their cards were going. It really helped I think for them to see what they were doing. Too often kids (and adults) do things in a vacuum never really understanding where their contribution fits into the entire picture. The comments/thoughts of the kids were precious. The Blue Star Moms were sharing that one of the ones that touched their hears was "You can come to my birthday party." Talk about pulling on heart strings. To a child celebrating is a part of life - and what a better wish to send to an individual in the line of fire than a prayer that they could come and celebrate life with them back stateside. It is beyond words.

We ended the weekend Sunday with a celebration service at church. The middle of the church was given tables for people to sit around and chairs were still available for those not at tables. A member of our community is currently in hospital and a giant hot pink card was passed from person to person being signed for them. There were such demonstrations of love from each of these people. You can tell how much this person-who is such a dynamic part of the community-is truly missed and cared for.

I have to say from a personal perspective, that I really think we need to consider as individuals who plan what a worship experience looks like - ways to encourage community and relationship building within church services. So much of what we do on Sunday mornings is relegated to an individualistic experience. It takes a great amount of intentionality to incorporate people communicating and talking with each other, hearing about their spiritual journeys into a worship service. What a gift we would be giving each of us if we could be vulnerable and open to both the Spirit and each other in the context of a worship experience? Coffee Hour after service just isn't the same. I saw something happen when the tables were set down. When people shared their experiences. When children and families and small groups were sitting around those tables in prayer and worship together. It was an entirely different atmosphere that rose up and took over. It was celebration, which is what we are exhorted to do throughout the pages of Scripture. What an invitation that could be - to invite people whose lives are really unknown to all but the Creator to celebrate, just as one of our children invited a soldier to their celebration. What kind of an impact could that have in the life of a church?