No Subject. Just Life. Really.

I guess the title of this entry says it all. Nothing really falls into a catgory. I'm just sharing about my life. Really. That's all. Work is going well, I'm so glad to have a SP on board. Such a refreshing change. It's been interesting for me that with this new change there has been this bit of cautiousness that has risen up within me. I knew that it was related to my field ed experience. It took a bit of time to work through some of the apprehension and realize that I am not in the same environment, the clergy person that I am working with now has a very different style of leadership than my previous one. That I am respected here by leadership. But it was still this really bizarre experience when I was having that initial conversation with S and he brings out this file folder with the internship package info in it that I gave our EP. There was the part of me that literally wanted to dodge the subject all together. He was actually positive about the possibility of mentoring me. We've had some great conversations since his arrival and during his time as Interim. While I may be more fluid in my ministry praxis - we have a great meeting of the minds. And what I appreciate more than anything is his openness to consider (not necessarily agree) with new ways to look at something. He wants to engage with his staff and that is so refreshing on many levels.

The reality is that I just don't want to be burned again in this whole ordination process. It's not happening here but I am waiting for that "shoe to drop" feeling. Someone once said that it is normal to experience that type of expectation when you've had a significant loss in your life. So I just continue to do what I have learned to remind myself that life doesn't always play out the way you think it will - sometimes it's GOOD! The good news - the apprehension departed within a day. A record for me.

I feel as though I am once again in this deep growth place spiritually. I'm coming to terms with some residual crud related to my perfectionism again. I started seminary again the last week of September. Already it's week 4 and midterms are here. I have a lot of reading in my Gospels class, and it isn't easy always an easy read. We're tackling two books by N.T. Wright and the Introductory Text book by Achtemier, Green and Thompson, and an exegetical methods book by Michael Gorman. I'm finding I can't breeze through reading these days. I'm making notes in the margins and really trying to improve my comprehension which seems to very low than I care. The fact that it seems to take more concentration frustrates me and lo and behold kicks in that "I am willing to do whatever I need to go get that A." I know that the grade doesn't validate who I am as an individual. That comes from who I am in God. Yet I have come to the conclusion that grades do matter to me. They are more important to me than I realized. It is a sense of accomplishment when I can achieve an A. What is interesting here at the Menlo Park campus is that the pressure on grades isn't as much as it was in Pasadena. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that there are so many going on to PhD's and the extension campus doesn't have that option. It just seems that here there isn't that edge of competition and expectation that everyone brings their A game here. I had to laugh because the other night in Greek someone shared that for many here "C=M.Div" In my world a C=F=why bother? Needless to say that I am finding myself passing on outings with friends, trips to the City to stay home and study. Will it be worth it in the long run? You betcha. Just sucks occassionally.

S's installation is coming up in a week. It's much different in style and tone than one I previously was part of. That one was full of pomp and circumstance. It sometimes felt as those we were attending a coronation. This one is about 180 degrees different. Very reverential, simple, humble. No pomp. Some circumstances. Building Bridges is over - another incredible weekend. Even our childcare kids did more service projects this year than last. They carved out pumpkins and cut/arranged flowers creating centerpieces for the dinner tables at our Saturday night celebration. I posted a couple of pictures above - hopefully I can figure out how to center them - don't know what happened but oh well.

Today was one of those days where I really missed my long time friends. I miss not calling my newly married friends to hear about what is up. They're in nesting mode and I don't want to disturb them having been married 3 and 4 weeks ago respectively. Facebook has been terrific in connecting me back with friends from college, high school and LA - and I guess it just makes it rough when you wish you could just drive over, walk across the breeze way or down the block and see them. One friend in particular M, I'm missing more now after chatting with her for the first time in months. We're planning to connect when they fly out to Disneyland in December. I had the flight scheduled within 15 minutes of reading her email with the dates they were going to be there. And my vacation request in as well! Of course, it didn't help much that I watched the "Sex in the City" movie the other night with my roommate D. I was completely surprised at what a great job they did with it. And I missed the girl's nights we used to have in L.A. and at the Oregon Coast. I wouldn't trade SF and what I am doing for anything but wish there was a way I could have my cake and eat it too when it comes to location and close friends. And of course the theme of what you'll do when you love not just "in love" with someone made me seriously consider eHarmony - but where do you pencil in a relationship between work and seminary? Is there a way to have a healthy, loving relationship, satisfaction in work/minsitry and a successful seminary career? I guess I'll never know unless I attempt it. Stay tuned for more...

Ah...Fall

After a string of hot days in the San Ramon Valley it has suddenly cooled down. Last night I looked out the back window where I am housesitting to see the traces of Mt. Diablo underneath rain. Walking outdoors later that evening there was that unmistakable drizzle that came down. It's amazing to me how quickly things can change-the weather being just one example.

We settled into the Fall term for Children's Ministries last week. It was one of those weeks that was just incredibly busy. Our Session and Presbytery approved the selection of the Pastoral Search committee and last week our congregation voted to approve the call of our new Sr. Pastor. What seemed to be a very long period of wariness is coming to a close. Our new SP S. will begin his term here I believe the first week of October. The kids rooms were completed with the little touches to be added weekly so by the end of October the rooms are all complete but it leaves a little excitement for the kids to see what is new for the first few weeks they are in their rooms. The teachers are enjoying the curriculum and for some being reminded how little preschoolers are and how rambunctious 3-5th graders can be at the beginning of anything new. Our teachers are still turning in their schedules and the master schedule is coming together with a few very noticable gaps still waiting to be filled but from what I know of this community they will be filled by the end of the month.

Other changes going on include those of my friends. Two very close friends of mine are both getting married on consecutive Saturdays. Two wonderful reasons to head down to LA and be at what was home for over 13 years. I love watching love bloom. One couple has been together for a long period of time; the other has come together relatively recently. Yet both are healthy couples, in healthy relationships which I know will become healthy families over time. I look forward to celebrating God's blessings in their lives as we bless their unions and futures. Someday, I tell myself I hope to find myself celebrating that kind of love.

My mom will soon be returning to Oregon after a three month stay. It's been good having her here and yet at times challenging. We're still negotiating the dynamics surrounding an adult child/parent relationship - my mother still struggles with understanding the relationship has changed. It makes for interesting conversations and many frustrations on my part. My goal this time has been to just let her be - and to focus on not allowing myself to get caught up in button pushing which for the most part I have done fairly well. Much better than other extended visits.

For me personally, I return to Fuller after 2 years of absence. With more insight than previously, I have opted to take two courses one being an audit (Greek refresher) which will give me the courseload of two courses but only credit for one. That way I can adjust minus the over-stressing I'm prone to carrying 8 units and a heavy load at work simultaneously. I have spent the past late Spring until now working ahead and lining up support staff to help lead the ministry so the weight of responsibility is not falling on me - which is the first sign of poor ministry management. I am blessed here at this church to have individuals willing to step up from the moment that I arrived. It has made all the difference and for a less stressful load.

Just like the arrival of Fall, it's amazing to see the changes happening in the world and lives around me. It's a time to remember that while change will always occur, there are constants that you can always hang onto - the most notably being the constant presence of God working amongst us.

A Prayer for Myanmar

This beautiful, litany is found on "Monastic Mumblings" (see under "blogs I read" - let us hold up this devastated country in their tragic loss of life, property and infrastructure asking that God may make a way for humanitarian aid and assistance to come to Burma/Myanmar.

Litany for Myanmar

Almighty and gracious God, we come to You with our hearts full of prayers both spoken and those that cannot be put into words. As the ancient psalmist wrote You are our refuge and strength, the light in the darkness, and so with confidence we offer our prayers to You for Myanmar, striken by violent powerful winds, rain and terrifying, destructive ocean surges. Gather them and us under Your wings, calm all our fears and keep our faith strong.

Lord hear our prayers.

At a time like this we stand in awe of the power of nature - the wind and the sea - with its terrible capacity to destroy as well as to save and we are reminded of our vulnerability as human creatures who inhabit this vast earth. We bring to You in prayer our questions, our humility and also our trust in this hour of need.

Lord hear our prayers.

We pray for those who grieve the loss of family, friends and neighbors, for those who are injured, those separated and searching for family, for those who have been traumatized.
we ask for Your continued healing presence in their lives and we commend to Your care all those who have died.

Lord hear our prayers.

We give to Your loving care all those who are involved in rescuing people and those caring for the injured in hospitals and clinics. Be especially with all the churches and people as they minister in Your name to the people. May they be the Christ Who serves with wounded hands,and stretch out their hands to serve. Sustain them through this time of tremendous loss and stress.

Lord hear our prayers.

We commend to Your care all those are working in debris removal and cleaning up. We especially pray for those burdened by unimaginable losses and who have found themselves like refugees in their own country. May shelter and clean water and food and medicines and comfort be supplied as quickly as possible.

Lord hear our prayers

We pray for those - especially the poor, who live along the coast and delta and whose livelihoods have been lost or impacted by this disaster and ask that You would raise them up and bless them. We pray for those whose workplaces have become unsafe and who face an uncertain future and ask that they may find the assistance they need

Lord hear our prayers.

We pray for those communities that have been devastated that they may live and learn and support one another and have joy in their lives once again. May this disaster bring people together to rebuild their cities, and to fill their lives with justice, their plates with food and their streets with music,. Bring them peace and healing from all evil.

Lord hear our prayers.
We pray for those traveling, who feel homesick and far away from loved ones and their homes at this time; those who are trying to get in contact with family and who are worried and frustrated and who long to embrace their families. Comfort families across the distance.

Lord hear our prayers.

We give thanks to God for the blessings in our lives, especially the gifts we so often take for granted until they are in danger of being taken away from us - the gift of family, friends, a home, our possessions. Most of all we praise God for the gift of life itself.

Lord hear our prayers.

We also pray for all people of the human family all around the world affected by other natural disasters. O God, Great Shepherd of the sheep, gather us all in Your arms and lead us safely within the one fold of Your love.