Instead of Christmas as usual....

Consider doing something different. An alternative to the same old/same old.

Consider how your contribution of time, talent and treasure in ways other than presents can impact more lives than the receiver of a gift that will wear out, break down and eventually be tossed aside.

It's worth the consideration.

Ah...Fall

After a string of hot days in the San Ramon Valley it has suddenly cooled down. Last night I looked out the back window where I am housesitting to see the traces of Mt. Diablo underneath rain. Walking outdoors later that evening there was that unmistakable drizzle that came down. It's amazing to me how quickly things can change-the weather being just one example.

We settled into the Fall term for Children's Ministries last week. It was one of those weeks that was just incredibly busy. Our Session and Presbytery approved the selection of the Pastoral Search committee and last week our congregation voted to approve the call of our new Sr. Pastor. What seemed to be a very long period of wariness is coming to a close. Our new SP S. will begin his term here I believe the first week of October. The kids rooms were completed with the little touches to be added weekly so by the end of October the rooms are all complete but it leaves a little excitement for the kids to see what is new for the first few weeks they are in their rooms. The teachers are enjoying the curriculum and for some being reminded how little preschoolers are and how rambunctious 3-5th graders can be at the beginning of anything new. Our teachers are still turning in their schedules and the master schedule is coming together with a few very noticable gaps still waiting to be filled but from what I know of this community they will be filled by the end of the month.

Other changes going on include those of my friends. Two very close friends of mine are both getting married on consecutive Saturdays. Two wonderful reasons to head down to LA and be at what was home for over 13 years. I love watching love bloom. One couple has been together for a long period of time; the other has come together relatively recently. Yet both are healthy couples, in healthy relationships which I know will become healthy families over time. I look forward to celebrating God's blessings in their lives as we bless their unions and futures. Someday, I tell myself I hope to find myself celebrating that kind of love.

My mom will soon be returning to Oregon after a three month stay. It's been good having her here and yet at times challenging. We're still negotiating the dynamics surrounding an adult child/parent relationship - my mother still struggles with understanding the relationship has changed. It makes for interesting conversations and many frustrations on my part. My goal this time has been to just let her be - and to focus on not allowing myself to get caught up in button pushing which for the most part I have done fairly well. Much better than other extended visits.

For me personally, I return to Fuller after 2 years of absence. With more insight than previously, I have opted to take two courses one being an audit (Greek refresher) which will give me the courseload of two courses but only credit for one. That way I can adjust minus the over-stressing I'm prone to carrying 8 units and a heavy load at work simultaneously. I have spent the past late Spring until now working ahead and lining up support staff to help lead the ministry so the weight of responsibility is not falling on me - which is the first sign of poor ministry management. I am blessed here at this church to have individuals willing to step up from the moment that I arrived. It has made all the difference and for a less stressful load.

Just like the arrival of Fall, it's amazing to see the changes happening in the world and lives around me. It's a time to remember that while change will always occur, there are constants that you can always hang onto - the most notably being the constant presence of God working amongst us.

Sunday Reflection - 525,600 minutes

525,600 minutes,
525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
Measure in love. Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes!
525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.
It’s time now to sing out,
tho the story never ends
let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.

Remember the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love.

This past Thursday marked the one year point back in the Bay Area. It really has been a fresh start in many ways. I find myself on a regular basis using all the discoveries that I've made over the past in my daily life. I knew several years ago it was time to invite God into some of the more deeper areas of my life experience and seek some real, permanant healing. I didn't know at the onset how deep some of the wounds were. Never connected some of the quirks that I had developed with the reason they originated in the first place. Then, once I made the discovery it was learning how to become aware of when/how my buttons were pushed. And boundaries - lots of boundary work. It has been the quintessential "Romans 7" experience of recovery.

I share that because this year has been such a refreshing year. The year that things are beginning to make sense - where I can see the benefit of having gone through all the muck to have moments like I am now. So how do I measure the year in my life?

*In new vision, renewed purpose/passion
*In being stretched and discovering I won't break
*In learning that it is good to ask for help
*In quiet moments, cups of coffee and reflection
*In the gift of long time friendships, and the promise of new ones *In realizing that it isn't "all about me"
*In not buying into the lies of my past
*In seeing God take a vision and start laying the foundation
*In the sense of calm and contentment
*In discovering that God continually is giving me all I need
*In stronger boundaries
*In learning when to speak and when to be quiet
*In understanding the power of speaking blessings

Yesterday I had an opportunity to not revert back to my former actions. I'm a perfectionist at heart, and don't like when things go wrong that are outside of my ability to "fix". When a situation with a vendor rose up a few weeks ago, I began to obsess about it, and realized that it was hitting on one of those old beliefs - that I don't like disappointing people. I let it eat at me for half an hour and then looked at the situation, the options and did what I could to rectify things on my end, communicating to the person where my limits were. In response the person sent me an email this morning telling me how much they appreciated me.

Had I allowed myself to get worked up about the situation to the extent that I have in the past, I would have missed out on the lessons learned this week. Instead, I had a chance to see the positives that have happened in ministry this year, recognize what I have done that is blessing others. See the relationships that have begun, and the ministry relationships that I am developing - and the new friendships that God has blessed me with. And at the end of the day I realize that it is really all about relationships, all about love and all about God working in us in ways we'd never conceive once give permission to move the furniture.

Sunday Thought - When Your Church is Waiting for It's Second Wind

Okay, I finally had my first very minor freak out at church recently. Seems there have been a few people that a year and months after the SP's departure are still struggling with things related to that. It's not important to list those details, but I guess it could summarized in "at least in Egypt we knew what to expect. In the desert it's new every day."

From what I understand from my very healthy and in shape running friends, the ultimate test is to run a marathon. I had thought about it when I was much thinner, exercised to "wog" (walk/job) the 26.2 mile endeavor) as part of the Lukeumia Society's "Team in Training." I went as far as reaching my financial goal to participate yet found myself struggling in the training department. The people in the running group were runners. I am not. They were sleek, toned, conditioned and experienced. I was thin for me, but no where near their physical condition. At the end of my first morning I left and cried in the bathroom at home feeling like I was an absolute failure. From that point on I had conditioned myself to believe that I would never succeed in the experience and of course fulfilled my own self-fulfilling prophecy.

A few years ago, I came to discover something I didn't know about churches. Churches are full of imperfect people. For those of you who are more astute than I, you probably already knew that. I, on the other hand am either too Pollyanna-ish, or just incredibly slow on the uptake. When I began working in church life, it was amazing to discover that the individuals who "do" church on Sundays struggle with the same behaviors, personalities, doubts and flaws as those in the pews do. I guess somewhere in the process, I thought that leaders were farther along in the sanctification process than pew people. What I discovered was that outside of the service, people are people. When I began to step into leadership, the areas and issues I dealt with seemed to fly up into my face on a daily basis. It is a challenge to think that others look to you as a source of hope and wisdom for their spiritual lives when sometimes you are asking yourself the same questions that they are. When churches (and leadership) struggle it's often because we have lost sight of our own limitations, we hold someone to a higher standard of behavior than we hold ourselves to ("I want a Pastor/leader to be the kind of Christian I can't be") or we just can't let go of the past and begin to move forward in hope.

So - back to the minor freak moment. I had left knowing that there were at least two families on the "departing the church" fence. One had already notified me that they were leaving. Because we're a small church, and thus a small Children's Ministries program, any family that leaves creates a significant dent in our percentages. When I arrived back, the dent was a 10%+ decline rate in our Children's numbers. I'm thankful to learn that all the families that I spoke with over the past few months that were leaning towards departure were doing so for reasons outside of the ministry area I have oversight to - yet saddened nonetheless to see them leave. A second blow came when I arrived back into the office and discovered our Student Ministries Director had submitted their resignation. That's when the freak happened. Not because of the resignation, but of what that might signify to individuals - would they think that the health of Children/Youth programs were at stake? Was there something going on that they should be concerned about? For me - the inevitable questions was "would I have a job this time next year?" followed by "*$&%, I found a place that I sync with, and is that in jepoardy?"

God, my Spiritual Director tells me, is more concerned with my willingness to obey than my obedience when all the dots are connecting. It's the reminder that humanity is in the dark no matter how clearly we think we see the picture before us. When our community moves forward with a pledge drive to secure finances for our SP position, we are moving foward in the belief that not only is this church going to be here in twelve months, but we will be moving forward in vision and purpose under the leadership of an SP. When I am creating my budget for Children's Ministries, I am believing that outreach and connecting with the community will become a bigger part of what we do as a community than it has during this hibernation period. When we search for an interim Youth Director, we're letting parents know that nothing will stall, and we're moving forward believing for new things for our youth. Where before I would have wanted to polish off the resume at the first sign of trouble, I came out of the moment more committed to the ministry set before me. God has (and is) calling me to radical trust in this area. There are good things waiting to happen, transition happens. And yes, it often takes much longer to happen than we think it should.

Leaders are not perfect. Pastors (and ministry staff) are no different than anyone else, with the minor exception that we may be more aware of our weaknesses to the extent that we're vulnerable before God. Our community has been running the equivalent of a marathon these past few months/years and we are hitting the proverbial 24.0 mile marker. I hear this for some is the "wall" point. Where you are willing to cash in all your chips and just stop believing you don't have enough stuff left in you to finish the race. For some people in the community, I think this is where they are at. Change takes time. It's hard to keep moving forward when one is not totally sure where you are going. It's been a long season, and the ending point still isn't in clear sight. Perhaps it would have been better to never have started the journey at all, rather finding something else to do (or place to worship)instead.

But it's after the wall that you hit your second wind. That energy that comes seemingly out of nowhere to propell you towards the finish. For us, that wind takes place in the interview that is happening across the hall for an Interim Youth Director, the Search Committee who is having second interviews with applicants, the Children's Ministry team who is gearing up for VBS with kickoff Sunday today and recruiting for Summer Children's Church. It's reminding ourselves that we are a part of something greater than what we can physically see - and this is the point of the race we're running that we sometimes need to focus our eyes on the crowd of witness cheering us on while waiting for the finish line to come more clearly into focus.

God as Paradox

One of the things that I have reflected upon this Lent is the God of the Paradox. God alone is not paradoxical, yet does chose consistently throughout the pages of Scripture to use paradox as a means to continually throw humanity off and take notice.

How often have I put away thoughts or ideas with the excuse that "it's not in my giftset", "I'm not qualified", or the worn-out "and how am I to fit this into my already loaded schedule?"
As I looked through the pages of Scripture at Moses, Esther, Ruth, the Disciples, Jesus (obviously) and others I started looking at my excuses a bit closer. As I started to consider the lives of individuals such as Wilber Wilberforce, Mother Teresa, Hudson Taylor, Billy Graham, Francis of Assisi and others - I realized that none of them were prepared or equipped to do the task that was set before them initially. All had to trust God to provide them the skills, experiences, personnel and energy to carry forth the vision that had been laid on their heart.

Perhaps we (universally speaking, not from a guilt-inducing place) discount too quickly that quiet whisper of the Spirit within our inner being? There has been one project that has repeatedly come up that I long to do yet think that I still am not ready to do it - I lack the full M.Div. for credability, I've no real experience in this area, I'm not sure that others have seen a gifting in this area that confirms that I could do it. Etc., Etc., Etc. From what I hear from others - I'm not alone in this thinking.

I think the real issue is fear. Plain old "in your face" fear. Of the unknown, of failure, of falling on my tukus in broad daylight. Of being called out as untalented. Yet, it seems that these are the qualities and personalty types that God uses over and over again.

Easter saw eleven men and countless others blown away by their expectations. God lived within the man they called Jesus. The man who was dead but now again lives. The one who healed the sick, brought about miracles, made plain and alive the words of Torah. These same people, huddled together in an upstairs room eventually took the simple yet paradoxical teachings of Jesus out of their cities, to the ends of the earth.

Easter is celebrated on Sunday but is lived throughout the week. My prayer for all this Holy Week is that we too would find those dreams resurrected within us and become empowered by the Spirit of the Resurrected One to see what could happen if we say yes to the paradoxical idea.