Oh my stars....

So I have decided to take the plunge and sign up for a month on eHarmony. Now my friends have had great results - one just was married recently. Another swears that many of her friends and family have been matched successfully. Me? I'm not sure what I have just committed to. In fact, I had buyer's remorse the minute that I hit that little "YES" button to confirm the credit card. So I have at least a month to check this out and see if my aversions to this are unfounded.

I don't know what to think. I don't know. I just don't know. So, if you would like to leave a word of encouragement for me please do. I have not been in the dating world seriously in over 6 years and I feel like I'm back in remedial dating 101 classes.

Instead of Christmas as usual....

Consider doing something different. An alternative to the same old/same old.

Consider how your contribution of time, talent and treasure in ways other than presents can impact more lives than the receiver of a gift that will wear out, break down and eventually be tossed aside.

It's worth the consideration.

Montecito Fire

Please keep praying for the Santa Barbara/Montecito area as they are battling the many fires burrning. A member of my ministry team just stopped by and updated me from her son that several Westmont Faculty members have lost their homes, two dorms have burnt down and one or two class buildings as well. There have been numerous fire companies here in the East Bay that have been dispatched down to the area to assist.

A friend (Thanks Britta) let me know early this morning that Mt. Calvary Retreat House and Monastery had burnt down. For many in the Los Angeles area, this place was a spiritual sanctuary. Built in the 20's and 30's, Mt. Calvary was purchased by the Order of the Holy Cross after its designers/owners suffered great losses in the depression. It contained a beautiful garden tended to by Brother William, two cottages where Brother Roy did calligraphy and Brother Joe created gorgeous iconography. A stone labyrinth graced all outdoors as well as vistas that made you feel like you were far removed from the urban landscape of LA.

For me Mt. Calvary held a very special place - it was one of the places where my spiritual life was resurrected after a long, dark dry spell. Two retreats in particular that I participated in taught me about servanthood and the need in my life for humility. I discovered and embraced spiritual disciplines of contemplative prayer, a rule of life and simplicity which are still a regular part of my spiritual life. In fact they are almost like oxygen to my spirit as I so often tire of the evangelical, purpose driven fodder that is passed off as spirituality in much of the church world. It was the place where I went after my dad died as I waited to head down to his funeral. The place where key decisions related to receiving my call took place. This past April, I took a larger step and became an Assoicate at Mt. Calvary - committing to support its work/ministry/life any way that I am able.

It is interesting to me how/where our sacred spaces are in the world. This was one of mine. I grieve that many will need to wait until it is rebuilt to encounter what many of us have experienced. I'm thankful for the role it's played in my world. And continue to pray for it daily as I look at the pictures of my last trip there in April daily in my office.

The meals that tie us together...

My cousin has a wonderful blog "An Alameda Garden" (www.alamedagarden.blogspot.com) that chronicles her garden journey/projects as well as highlights the role that food and gardens plays in the life of a community. She recently posted this video on her site. I have been shopping at farmer's markets or direct from farm markets for the past two years...and recently had sticker shock when I purchased vegetables etc. from a chain store. With the economy in the situation that is currently is in, wouldn't it be something to once again move towards a more local, sustainable food source?





This Lawn is Your Lawn from roger doiron on Vimeo.

First Mid Term grades

Crud. I only scored a B+ on the exam. Totally blew it on the multiple choice as usual.

No Subject. Just Life. Really.

I guess the title of this entry says it all. Nothing really falls into a catgory. I'm just sharing about my life. Really. That's all. Work is going well, I'm so glad to have a SP on board. Such a refreshing change. It's been interesting for me that with this new change there has been this bit of cautiousness that has risen up within me. I knew that it was related to my field ed experience. It took a bit of time to work through some of the apprehension and realize that I am not in the same environment, the clergy person that I am working with now has a very different style of leadership than my previous one. That I am respected here by leadership. But it was still this really bizarre experience when I was having that initial conversation with S and he brings out this file folder with the internship package info in it that I gave our EP. There was the part of me that literally wanted to dodge the subject all together. He was actually positive about the possibility of mentoring me. We've had some great conversations since his arrival and during his time as Interim. While I may be more fluid in my ministry praxis - we have a great meeting of the minds. And what I appreciate more than anything is his openness to consider (not necessarily agree) with new ways to look at something. He wants to engage with his staff and that is so refreshing on many levels.

The reality is that I just don't want to be burned again in this whole ordination process. It's not happening here but I am waiting for that "shoe to drop" feeling. Someone once said that it is normal to experience that type of expectation when you've had a significant loss in your life. So I just continue to do what I have learned to remind myself that life doesn't always play out the way you think it will - sometimes it's GOOD! The good news - the apprehension departed within a day. A record for me.

I feel as though I am once again in this deep growth place spiritually. I'm coming to terms with some residual crud related to my perfectionism again. I started seminary again the last week of September. Already it's week 4 and midterms are here. I have a lot of reading in my Gospels class, and it isn't easy always an easy read. We're tackling two books by N.T. Wright and the Introductory Text book by Achtemier, Green and Thompson, and an exegetical methods book by Michael Gorman. I'm finding I can't breeze through reading these days. I'm making notes in the margins and really trying to improve my comprehension which seems to very low than I care. The fact that it seems to take more concentration frustrates me and lo and behold kicks in that "I am willing to do whatever I need to go get that A." I know that the grade doesn't validate who I am as an individual. That comes from who I am in God. Yet I have come to the conclusion that grades do matter to me. They are more important to me than I realized. It is a sense of accomplishment when I can achieve an A. What is interesting here at the Menlo Park campus is that the pressure on grades isn't as much as it was in Pasadena. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that there are so many going on to PhD's and the extension campus doesn't have that option. It just seems that here there isn't that edge of competition and expectation that everyone brings their A game here. I had to laugh because the other night in Greek someone shared that for many here "C=M.Div" In my world a C=F=why bother? Needless to say that I am finding myself passing on outings with friends, trips to the City to stay home and study. Will it be worth it in the long run? You betcha. Just sucks occassionally.

S's installation is coming up in a week. It's much different in style and tone than one I previously was part of. That one was full of pomp and circumstance. It sometimes felt as those we were attending a coronation. This one is about 180 degrees different. Very reverential, simple, humble. No pomp. Some circumstances. Building Bridges is over - another incredible weekend. Even our childcare kids did more service projects this year than last. They carved out pumpkins and cut/arranged flowers creating centerpieces for the dinner tables at our Saturday night celebration. I posted a couple of pictures above - hopefully I can figure out how to center them - don't know what happened but oh well.

Today was one of those days where I really missed my long time friends. I miss not calling my newly married friends to hear about what is up. They're in nesting mode and I don't want to disturb them having been married 3 and 4 weeks ago respectively. Facebook has been terrific in connecting me back with friends from college, high school and LA - and I guess it just makes it rough when you wish you could just drive over, walk across the breeze way or down the block and see them. One friend in particular M, I'm missing more now after chatting with her for the first time in months. We're planning to connect when they fly out to Disneyland in December. I had the flight scheduled within 15 minutes of reading her email with the dates they were going to be there. And my vacation request in as well! Of course, it didn't help much that I watched the "Sex in the City" movie the other night with my roommate D. I was completely surprised at what a great job they did with it. And I missed the girl's nights we used to have in L.A. and at the Oregon Coast. I wouldn't trade SF and what I am doing for anything but wish there was a way I could have my cake and eat it too when it comes to location and close friends. And of course the theme of what you'll do when you love not just "in love" with someone made me seriously consider eHarmony - but where do you pencil in a relationship between work and seminary? Is there a way to have a healthy, loving relationship, satisfaction in work/minsitry and a successful seminary career? I guess I'll never know unless I attempt it. Stay tuned for more...

Ah...Fall

After a string of hot days in the San Ramon Valley it has suddenly cooled down. Last night I looked out the back window where I am housesitting to see the traces of Mt. Diablo underneath rain. Walking outdoors later that evening there was that unmistakable drizzle that came down. It's amazing to me how quickly things can change-the weather being just one example.

We settled into the Fall term for Children's Ministries last week. It was one of those weeks that was just incredibly busy. Our Session and Presbytery approved the selection of the Pastoral Search committee and last week our congregation voted to approve the call of our new Sr. Pastor. What seemed to be a very long period of wariness is coming to a close. Our new SP S. will begin his term here I believe the first week of October. The kids rooms were completed with the little touches to be added weekly so by the end of October the rooms are all complete but it leaves a little excitement for the kids to see what is new for the first few weeks they are in their rooms. The teachers are enjoying the curriculum and for some being reminded how little preschoolers are and how rambunctious 3-5th graders can be at the beginning of anything new. Our teachers are still turning in their schedules and the master schedule is coming together with a few very noticable gaps still waiting to be filled but from what I know of this community they will be filled by the end of the month.

Other changes going on include those of my friends. Two very close friends of mine are both getting married on consecutive Saturdays. Two wonderful reasons to head down to LA and be at what was home for over 13 years. I love watching love bloom. One couple has been together for a long period of time; the other has come together relatively recently. Yet both are healthy couples, in healthy relationships which I know will become healthy families over time. I look forward to celebrating God's blessings in their lives as we bless their unions and futures. Someday, I tell myself I hope to find myself celebrating that kind of love.

My mom will soon be returning to Oregon after a three month stay. It's been good having her here and yet at times challenging. We're still negotiating the dynamics surrounding an adult child/parent relationship - my mother still struggles with understanding the relationship has changed. It makes for interesting conversations and many frustrations on my part. My goal this time has been to just let her be - and to focus on not allowing myself to get caught up in button pushing which for the most part I have done fairly well. Much better than other extended visits.

For me personally, I return to Fuller after 2 years of absence. With more insight than previously, I have opted to take two courses one being an audit (Greek refresher) which will give me the courseload of two courses but only credit for one. That way I can adjust minus the over-stressing I'm prone to carrying 8 units and a heavy load at work simultaneously. I have spent the past late Spring until now working ahead and lining up support staff to help lead the ministry so the weight of responsibility is not falling on me - which is the first sign of poor ministry management. I am blessed here at this church to have individuals willing to step up from the moment that I arrived. It has made all the difference and for a less stressful load.

Just like the arrival of Fall, it's amazing to see the changes happening in the world and lives around me. It's a time to remember that while change will always occur, there are constants that you can always hang onto - the most notably being the constant presence of God working amongst us.

Farewell my friend...

Jane E. Rowan
Feb. 27, 1948 to July 26, 2008

The news came Friday night as I was out in the City on a "Girl's Night Out." Jane, who I had asked for prayer back in February, had taken another turn for the worse. This time, the email said - it looked as though she would not make it through the night.

In the morning, when it appeared she had made it through my desire to believe that being the strong willed, "prove you all wrong" type of a person she was, she would show us all wrong and bounce back from this bout as well.

At around 8 p.m. that night my phone rang.

I knew who would be on the other end of the phone. I knew what she'd be telling me.

And I didn't want to hear it.

Jane passed at 6:47 p.m. Saturday July 26th. She was a gifted artist, writer, jack of all trades. Her pilgrimage on this earth was ecclectic - full of experiences, places, people and things that were wonderful and delightful in unique ways. One of the most incredible experiences that I remember from her was her journey and discovery of her birth mom and family. In the winter of 2006 I met her birth mom and sisters at her adopted mom's memorial service in Shelton, WA. Listening to their stories of finding and being found were amazing.

I'm still reeling from this. Not in an over emotional way, more shell shocked I guess. Of all the people who would battle something like this, I really believed she'd be the one to fly the finger in its face and prove doctors, hospitals and care centers all wrong.

Here's to you Jane. Myself and the other Mags will miss you dearly in this world. May you find yourself wrapped in the light and love of the Eternal Creator now and always.

Will I EVER Graduate?

Okay, I should be very happy that I am finally returning to seminary. After taking a much longer than I would have cared break, I am returning to Fuller's Menlo Park Campus. I met this morning with my advisor who sweetly broke the news to me that I have actually 8 units less than what I thought, and if I take only the desired amount of courses minus summer I will barely scoot out of Fuller before I "time" out at 10 years.

Can I tell you how frustrated I am? Yes, I know I have something that many seminarians don't have - a good, well respected ministry job that supports my return to seminary and provides me with an incredible learning experience at the same time. But 10 years? At the rate I'm going, my AARP card will come before my diploma in the mail!

Thus endeth the whining. On the way back to the house I did have to remember that there was a time gap in the mix so it isn't like I've been going to school for ten consecutive years. So in reality I will be taking about a year's extra time than the six years it takes to do the M.Div part time. Hey, I'm thankful there's a part time program! If there wasn't I'd never be able to return to school. I think the challenge for me is that I so want to just move foward with the desire for ordained ministry, and the knowledge that I do have a support base that is encouraging me to move towards this goal. The blessing of being in a secure employment (as much as anyone can say that in these challenging times) is that I won't have to take another loan out for school; and I will have some positive ministry experience to put down towards my CV when it comes time for my first call.

I guess in the long run I'm doing better than I see things on paper. Relationships, Experience and Education. All happening at the same time. Okay, I can live with that.

The Fall's schedule will be auditing Greek it's been way too long since I've had a nervous break out over parsing the Greek for proxeuxesthe and please don't email to correct the transliteration - that just goes to show you why my tukus needs to be in a seat beginning in October. Turns out you can audit a language as long as you're enrolled in class and have already taken the language and need a brush up. I'm also signing up for Gospels. Then from there if I'm reading the schedule I'll be filling up the year with homiletics, Reformed Church history, NT Exegesis, Preaching and a designated course to be named at a later date for the summer. And.. I'm toying with the idea that somewhere in this I'll do my final internship. I must have misunderstood the number of hours - I took the long 300 hours internship and thought there was only a 100 hour one left that can be done in one quarter, but apparantly it's not so - and I have yet another 300 hour internship left - if anyone is reading this from Pasadena am I totally nuts or was there at one time a 100 and 300 hour practicum?

So all in all - good news: back in school. Less than awesome news: may need a walker to get across the platform for my diploma. But still will have over 30 years to be an ordained minister. Guess it's all how you look at it.

Why We Do What We Do

It's 9 p.m. Nope, it's actually 9:15 p.m. I'm trying to get my thoughts down before I finally exit the church building that I've been in since approximately 7:30 this morning. Tonight we just completed our Ice Cream Social event of VBS. We had a wonderful turnout of both volunteers, parents and their children. And now the youth who just will NOT leave this church (what a problem to have huh?) are in the youth room with their leaders, stereo blasting getting ready to play a game of sardines. I am blown away with how wonderful our VBS program is. I have been blessed by two very dedicated, highly organized and amazing women who have put together this program for the last three years. And each year we raise the bar higher than the previous years excellence. Add to that wonderful base delightful men and women who take time off of their work schedules, take vacations to help lead stations and be support staff; youth who go to swim practice at 7:00 in the morning so they can arrive on time to lead their crew and the go off to summer jobs after they leave us; and a community who provides us with unusual items such as 25 pounds of corn starch, leaf blowers, ice cream and other items to bring the message of the gospel to our kids in experiences they'll relate to. I am really aware that in addition to our annual Building Bridges event, VBS is one of our primary outreach events to the community around us.

Building Confident Young Women

In the past, when I have been interviewed for ministry related positions I have had many individuals get stuck when they read my educational and research related experience. Yes, my major is pretty banal (psychology) yet my minor is what tends to raise eyebrows occassionally - sociology with a concentration in human sexuality.

What's a nice, Christian girl like me doing studying such a topic as SEX you might ask? Actually, the assumptions begin to fly through some knuckle-dragging neanderthal's heads when they also see that I have been a card-carrying member of the Episcopal Church and strongly moving towards ordination to the priesthood at one time in my life. All of a sudden I have to clarify some interesting stereotypes.

Yet the reality is that for far too long many in the more conservative world have discounted the role of sexuality in the church and in the lives of Christ followers. Sex is a good thing. It is a gift given to us by the Creator to enjoy within the proper confines. We live in a hypersexualized culture. The messages that surround us are grounded in misconstrued sexual images. Men and women are objectified rather than respected. Perceptions of what constitutes beauty are contorted to where they no longer represent reality.

My undergraduate thesis surrounded the pressures on youth with regards to sexuality and sexual activity. We'd like to think that our youth are all being abstinent, yet Jennifer Parker writes in a March/April 2003 issue of Christianity Today that "specific studies of sexual trends among Christian teens have been limited, but all indications are that, on average, there is little difference between their sexual behavior and that of non-Christian youths, other than a tendency to delay their first sexual experience slightly longer." My thesis and belief was if we can provide small group learning experiences, coupled with increasing a youths positive self concept and emotional stability their ability to make choices which include abstinance would increase and/or continue to raise the age of first encounters. At the time, research was very limited on the outcomes, yet longitudinal and anecdotal evidence does indiate that teens who foster spiritual and social relationships within a church or parachurch setting do seem to do better than their counterparts with abstinence issues.

So, how do we begin to encourage and educate our children? As soon as they begin to recognize body parts. Use language that is age appropriate when explaining to children their body. Don't use baby language. Begin to affirm the beauty of their bodies, how uniquely they are created by God. As our children begin to mature, I hope that the children's ministries of the future will have a safe place for girls and guys to begin to address the changes and challenges that begin in their preteen years.

This past week we began our first foray into this realm. After listening to many parents, I began to discover that Christian parents are also at a loss as to how to begin to walk their children through the begining stages of adolescence. Many feel ill equipped because of the decisions they made in their youth; others struggle with how little/much to share and when to do so. Still others struggle with what is an appropriate way to introduce their children to the larger issues that they will undoubtedly face in life, school and social settings - and yes, even in the Church. After several months of research and finding parents comfort levels, discussing the desire to start a group such as this with my EP and getting his support and buy-in, "Faith Girlz" was born.

"Faith Girlz" is a seven-week small group experience for preteen girls in 4th-6th grades. Our first small group experience covers the beginning issues that our youngest preteens are beginning to experience. Health and nutrition; Exercise; Clothing; Self-Respect; Media Influences; Body Care are all tackled. Our 90 minute group time includes a check in period where the girls give feedback on their weekly assignments and their reading. We then have a 30 minute presentation on the topic with time for questions and feedback. A project that allows time to begin assimilating the information follows followed by an opportunity to ground the topic in Scripture.

Our first meeting was this past week - and VERY exciting! We had to increase the size twice to fit in all the requests and have 13 young girls participating in this group. Oh they fit the demographics of pre-teen girls so well. This past week we set out our expectations for small groups, introduced the first word in our faith girlz vocabulary (puberty) and discussed nutrition. We created our personal food pyramids on large conference sized post-it's and labeled our favorite foods in each appropriate section (based on the new USDA's Food Pyramid) Finally, we enjoyed healthy snacks and created a fruit smoothie with a surprise of cabbage and carrot included! Our dare for the week is to find and prepare (and eat!) a new fruit or vegetable or find a way to prepare a fruit or vegetable that the girls do not like.

The response from the girls was that the time was a hit. From parents the feedback almost immediately was astounding. One mom wrote me in an email:

"_______ really enjoyed faith girls, part one! I am working to rearrange our vacation times so she won't miss any of them. I am so excited that you've started this opportunity for the girls because honestly, half the time I find myself struggling with what to say to my little 'preteen.'

Pending the response of this group, we will look into a second in the series on exploring physical, social and emotional changes. This one would be done with parents participation - including medical, social and psychological experts to help guide parents in dealing with important questions.

I also want to have a group similar to this for young boys called "God Guys." It's interesting that I am finding it a challenge to get two young men to facilitate the group. I don't know if it is due to fear an apprehension which I wouldn't be surprised or challenges with regards to their own adolescent experiences. If anyone wants to chime in on reasons they believe the reluctance might be there I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Just for you Dad

A Day in the Life

Karl Bastian has done it again over at Toybox Tales! TbT's came from Karl's imagination and a little help from a video camera and computer. Oh and did I mention the action figures? I guess that is a perfect way to reuse all the old figures that have been laying around our bedrooms that our parents have collected and stored for our "kids?" Or so my guy friends tell me. The tales are a wonderful collection of presenting key scriptural, discipleship and theology to children and adults in a way that keeps their attention and makes it resonate in the world where they live. Celebrating his 100th TbT, Karl created one that speaks to the heart of anyone who ministers - yet especially those who minister to children.

http://www.toyboxtales.com/flashtales/100-a-day-in-the-life.html

Sunday Reflection - 525,600 minutes

525,600 minutes,
525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
Measure in love. Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes!
525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.
It’s time now to sing out,
tho the story never ends
let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.

Remember the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love.

This past Thursday marked the one year point back in the Bay Area. It really has been a fresh start in many ways. I find myself on a regular basis using all the discoveries that I've made over the past in my daily life. I knew several years ago it was time to invite God into some of the more deeper areas of my life experience and seek some real, permanant healing. I didn't know at the onset how deep some of the wounds were. Never connected some of the quirks that I had developed with the reason they originated in the first place. Then, once I made the discovery it was learning how to become aware of when/how my buttons were pushed. And boundaries - lots of boundary work. It has been the quintessential "Romans 7" experience of recovery.

I share that because this year has been such a refreshing year. The year that things are beginning to make sense - where I can see the benefit of having gone through all the muck to have moments like I am now. So how do I measure the year in my life?

*In new vision, renewed purpose/passion
*In being stretched and discovering I won't break
*In learning that it is good to ask for help
*In quiet moments, cups of coffee and reflection
*In the gift of long time friendships, and the promise of new ones *In realizing that it isn't "all about me"
*In not buying into the lies of my past
*In seeing God take a vision and start laying the foundation
*In the sense of calm and contentment
*In discovering that God continually is giving me all I need
*In stronger boundaries
*In learning when to speak and when to be quiet
*In understanding the power of speaking blessings

Yesterday I had an opportunity to not revert back to my former actions. I'm a perfectionist at heart, and don't like when things go wrong that are outside of my ability to "fix". When a situation with a vendor rose up a few weeks ago, I began to obsess about it, and realized that it was hitting on one of those old beliefs - that I don't like disappointing people. I let it eat at me for half an hour and then looked at the situation, the options and did what I could to rectify things on my end, communicating to the person where my limits were. In response the person sent me an email this morning telling me how much they appreciated me.

Had I allowed myself to get worked up about the situation to the extent that I have in the past, I would have missed out on the lessons learned this week. Instead, I had a chance to see the positives that have happened in ministry this year, recognize what I have done that is blessing others. See the relationships that have begun, and the ministry relationships that I am developing - and the new friendships that God has blessed me with. And at the end of the day I realize that it is really all about relationships, all about love and all about God working in us in ways we'd never conceive once give permission to move the furniture.

A Prayer for Myanmar

This beautiful, litany is found on "Monastic Mumblings" (see under "blogs I read" - let us hold up this devastated country in their tragic loss of life, property and infrastructure asking that God may make a way for humanitarian aid and assistance to come to Burma/Myanmar.

Litany for Myanmar

Almighty and gracious God, we come to You with our hearts full of prayers both spoken and those that cannot be put into words. As the ancient psalmist wrote You are our refuge and strength, the light in the darkness, and so with confidence we offer our prayers to You for Myanmar, striken by violent powerful winds, rain and terrifying, destructive ocean surges. Gather them and us under Your wings, calm all our fears and keep our faith strong.

Lord hear our prayers.

At a time like this we stand in awe of the power of nature - the wind and the sea - with its terrible capacity to destroy as well as to save and we are reminded of our vulnerability as human creatures who inhabit this vast earth. We bring to You in prayer our questions, our humility and also our trust in this hour of need.

Lord hear our prayers.

We pray for those who grieve the loss of family, friends and neighbors, for those who are injured, those separated and searching for family, for those who have been traumatized.
we ask for Your continued healing presence in their lives and we commend to Your care all those who have died.

Lord hear our prayers.

We give to Your loving care all those who are involved in rescuing people and those caring for the injured in hospitals and clinics. Be especially with all the churches and people as they minister in Your name to the people. May they be the Christ Who serves with wounded hands,and stretch out their hands to serve. Sustain them through this time of tremendous loss and stress.

Lord hear our prayers.

We commend to Your care all those are working in debris removal and cleaning up. We especially pray for those burdened by unimaginable losses and who have found themselves like refugees in their own country. May shelter and clean water and food and medicines and comfort be supplied as quickly as possible.

Lord hear our prayers

We pray for those - especially the poor, who live along the coast and delta and whose livelihoods have been lost or impacted by this disaster and ask that You would raise them up and bless them. We pray for those whose workplaces have become unsafe and who face an uncertain future and ask that they may find the assistance they need

Lord hear our prayers.

We pray for those communities that have been devastated that they may live and learn and support one another and have joy in their lives once again. May this disaster bring people together to rebuild their cities, and to fill their lives with justice, their plates with food and their streets with music,. Bring them peace and healing from all evil.

Lord hear our prayers.
We pray for those traveling, who feel homesick and far away from loved ones and their homes at this time; those who are trying to get in contact with family and who are worried and frustrated and who long to embrace their families. Comfort families across the distance.

Lord hear our prayers.

We give thanks to God for the blessings in our lives, especially the gifts we so often take for granted until they are in danger of being taken away from us - the gift of family, friends, a home, our possessions. Most of all we praise God for the gift of life itself.

Lord hear our prayers.

We also pray for all people of the human family all around the world affected by other natural disasters. O God, Great Shepherd of the sheep, gather us all in Your arms and lead us safely within the one fold of Your love.

Sermon - Mark Chapter 5

I was scheduled to preach during this Markan series on the 18th with Mark 6 as my chapter, about a week and a half ago, I was asked to switch with another Pastor and got the plumb chapter - Chapter 5 which was a somewhat less daunting than chapter 6 was.

The sermon prep went well up until the editing - I had the beginning and end and most of the middle was in good shape, I struggled with transition and application in light of the fact that this was the sermon immediately following the "BIG MEETING" we had last Sunday night to finally air out every minute aspect of what had happened over the past year or two. There would be people who I sure would hope that the meeting would be addressed (my response - "sorry, to disappoint but the meeting said it all and it is done and I pray everything is put to rest finally."); but it was a good experience in the fine balance between preaching with the authority given one is given to proclaim the gospel while maintaining the boundary that you are not speaking as the Senior Pastor either.

Then there was the challenge of distilling an entire chapter into a sermon - I could have picked a piece but in studying this past week it really felt to me that to single out on scene would really dillute the impact of what was happening in the entire chapter. Then there was the fact that I had never preached (outside of a liturgical setting that is) on a "Communion Sunday" - thankfully I was able to ask to have the communion done by intinction which really added to the congregational response dimension.

After 5 or so edits on Saturday night, still not totally happy with what was happening, I finally just let it go as you have it here. It's been a long time since being anxious about preaching, but for whatever reason (see the above listed) I was definately aware that I of it. Thankfully once I got into the sermon the anxiety disappeared. (Thank you God for all those acting classes!) So here's the sermon below - if you're interested in an .mp3 email me and as soon as they are ready to go I'll send one to you.

This coming Sunday I'm delivering a combo "Mother's Day/Pentecost" children's sermon in the service - I think I've figured out how to merge the two...be afraid. Be very afraid!

P.S. - the endnotes are not fully cited here, I'm still learning how to use endnote and didn't do it correctly - sorry.


A mission to Awaken – Awaken to Mission
Mark 5
May 4, 2008

How many of you had the opportunity to go to the Progressive Dinner last week? One of the things I enjoyed was playing ‘Human Bingo.” Who knew we had so much talent at SRPC? I discovered we have experienced globe trotters, people who have graced the covers of magazines, and one who can say she is good friends with Shamu-I’m going to let you in on my little factoid I thought was too quirky to list. I love to hang out at airports. It’s the perfect place to people watch. I think it all started in high school when my youth group decided to hang out at the Fresno Airport. There were no great goals of evangelizing passengers but because we were confined to living in Fresno. Living in Fresno as a teen you have to come up with some really creative things to do on a Friday or Saturday night. After all, how many times can you go to Bob’s Big Boy, cruise Belmont Avenue or TP your youth pastor’s home? We’d develop characters, accents, and act out departure or arrival scenes. We’d manage a couple a night depending on how many people we had in our group or until the airport personnel would ask us to take the drama team somewhere else. While our welcome committees were anything but genuine; I’ve noticed something over my years of people watching at airports-I’ve never seen anyone met with jeers rather than cheers.

Last week in our walk through Mark we saw Jesus in two very different ways – we encountered him as one teaching with authority. Jesus would teach as though directly presenting truth rather than recounting what someone else had written. Yet there was another part of Mark 4 that we didn’t cover which leads into today’s chapter. The part took place after the teaching time. Jesus directs the apostles to head in the boat to the other side. In the midst of the travel a storm arose causing all aboard (except Jesus) to panic and fear for their safety. At their insistence and begging, Jesus rose from his sleep and rebuked the winds, causing the storm to cease about them. I’m sure that the 12 began to wonder just exactly who the person in that boat really was.

But another eye opener was waiting for them upon their arrival. The group had barely stepped on dry land when they are greeted by the “welcome committee” from Hell – literally. Their welcome came in the form of a man who had inhabited the nearby graveyard. A person controlled by powers outside of himself; this force has given him the ability to overthrow any attempts to be restrained. Unkempt, unwelcomed, this man is the depiction of the walking dead, just waiting for the actual event to catch up with him.

Jesus has not just traveled into another city – in this trip Jesus had crossed over to the land of the Gentiles. He invaded pagan territory. And the spiritual forces holding onto that area were not pleased. When Jesus arrived into this graveyard, Hell was put on notice. AS the man bows before Jesus and begs him not to torment him we’re presented with an interesting picture – this abnormally strong many prostrating himself before one who has just recently commanded the winds and the waves to be still. Rather than immediately taking on the ungodly presence Jesus does something unusual. He asks the walking dead man his name – Legion, or Mob, is his reply. Jesus knew that to name the demon is to strip it of any authority and gain power over it. In the next few moments, Jesus sends the mob that produces frenzy wherever it runs into a herd of swine, which meets its end as it plunges off the cliffs into the water below. I promise, I won’t make any jokes about flying pigs at this point but from a Jewish perspective, the scene is a joke; unclean spirits and unclean animals are both wiped out in one fell swoop, and a human being is cleansed. (Garland, 1996) Again, people are left wondering just who it is that they are dealing with for they now see in front of them a man who is no longer controlled by mob rule. Who no longer is in such inner pain that the howling has ceased. Who does not need to be restrained but rather now sits at the feet of Jesus clothed and in his right mind. This dead man walking knows he has been restored to life. He is no longer dead and is told by Jesus to go and tell others in the Gentile regions his story and the story of Jesus. The townspeople however, experience the event differently. Rather than continue the journey with Jesus as the disciples would do, the townspeople beg Jesus to leave their city - fearful of what next may happen in this pagan territory.

You’d think that would be enough for Mark to share in this chapter but he continues to describe the further adventures with Jesus. Back into the boat they go – and find themselves back in familiar territory. It’s there that Jesus encounters Jairus. Let’s take a look at verses 21-24:

When Jesus had crossed again in the boat to the other side, a great crowd gathered around him; and he was by the sea. Then one of the leaders of the s synagogue named Jairus came and, when he saw him, fell at this feet and begged him repeatedly, “My little daughter is at the point of death. Come and lay your hands on her, so that she may be made well, and life.” He went with him.

Have you ever noticed that Jairus is the only one in this chapter who is named? Jairus held a position of prestige in the area – he was a leader of the synagogue, which can also be translated “president of the synagogue” (Sacra Pagina, 173) All we know is that his daughter is dying and he has come to bow at Jesus’ feet begging for the life of his child. That’s not the usual position for the religious folk when they encounter Jesus is it? The Greek describes the death as being immanent – time was of the essence. The only thing that was on Jairus’ mind was getting Jesus to his home to save his precious child.

Into the midst of this scene we find yet another person seeking out Jesus. In a bold move, a woman approaches Jesus and grabs onto his clothing. This was a gutsy move on so many levels. Not only is this woman touching a man; this woman has been hemorrhaging for twelve years making her unclean. She shouldn’t have been amongst the crow and she certainly should never have touched a man or spiritual leader. Mark gives us several clues about his woman – she speaks of spending all of her money on doctors – more than likely she was at one time well off – her “money has poured forth from her just as her blood has, yet for all that she has spent, she is worse, not better (O’Day, 247). She chose to seize the moment that has been presented, and found that her action has brought healing to her. Her nightmare was over. Possibly, she thought she could just take this healing and leave unnoticed; yet she was not the only individual who knew that something had happened. In an instant Jesus turned around and addressed those around him, demanding to know who had touched him. She could have chosen to leave, never admitting to her actions, She had w hat she came for. Yet Mark says she did something very curious. She tells “the whole truth “to Jesus. Gail O’Day, Associate Professor of Preaching at Emory University reflects on this odd action

“What does the whole truth have to do with a twelve year flow of blood? One would expect the woman to say to Jesus, “I am the one who touched you,” or “I am the one you seek,” but the woman does not hide behind such partial truths. By telling Jesus the whole truth, she yields her whole self to Jesus and holds nothing back.” (O’Day, 248)

Only in the honesty of whole truth is healing possible. (O’Day, 249) Jesus will not allow her to slip away and remain anonymous. He forces the issue so that when she leaves healed, she will leave knowing that the one who healed her knows her and cares for her. She is a person who is worth taking time with and addressing.

Now don’t forget – when did this whole encounter take place? During Jesus’ escort by Jairus to his home. By the time Jesus is through with his woman, Jairus’ servants have come to him, letting him know that his precious child had died. If I were Jairus – I’d be livid – on a triage scale – dying child trumps woman bleeding 12 years am I not right? Here he is a man of significance, a man of presence and his daughter now lies dead because Jesus too time out for a person of no means. His daughter is dead, and all that Jesus tells him is,”Don’t be afraid’ just believe [i.e., keep on believing].” He had shown faith in coming to Jesus in the first place, now he must continue. But how can faith endure in the face of death, particularly when it hovers over one’s cherished child? Both the woman and Jairus reveal that faith is something that trusts in the midst of hopelessness.

For Jairus, it must have been a challenge to cling onto the words of someone who is telling you your daughter will be well when the mourners are assembled at your home. These friends scoff at the words of Jesus not knowing that He has already raised up a walking dead man, and healed a woman cut off and isolated from community and soon with the words “little girl arise” brought Jairus’ daughter back from the dead.

I’ve marveled at the common thread woven throughout these experiences. All three of these people had experienced a type of death. Bound and tormented the demoniac begged for real death to rescue him from his painful existence; the woman had spent all her money, emotion and hope on cures that never produced healing; a father unable to protect his child from literal death. Each discovered how challenging it is to place one’s entire trust in another – yet each were willing to do just this, placing their literal lives in the hands of Jesus.

It’s no different for each of us. To trust one’s life to Jesus is to trust oneself to the risky possibilities offered by God. In offering our pain to God rather than denying it, we affirm the reality of the cross. The cross isn’t just a symbol of our faith – it is the absolute anchor upon which we fasten ourselves. (O’Day, 250) When we find ourselves found by attitudes, beliefs and actions we can’t seem to break free or for find relief from – we bind ourselves to the cross. If we’re surrounded by dying and broken relationships – we bind ourselves to the cross. The cross reminds us that the gift of life, of resurrection cannot happen unless we place our faith and our lives in the hands of a loving God – knowing that only in God can new life be given. (O’Day, 250)

Just as God through Jesus gave new life to the people we encountered this morning, God is faithful to us. God doesn’t leave us at the cross but restores us, renews us and resurrects us, sending us out to proclaim to others what God has done for us.

(BEAT: Walk to Communion Table)

I love this Table. What a powerful reminder that Jesus right now, is present among us. We come not only as individuals to the Table, we come as a community. A family that has been through much. This morning we have a holy moment to receive and extend life to our brothers and sisters in this room.

What happens at the Table is a mystery to me – God simultaneously reaching both individuals and this entire family with God’s presence and power. As we prepare to move into Communion this morning et us remember that Jesus is present to heal, to restore, and to resurrect. Just as the three people we encountered this morning, we can choose to let go of the things that have bound us, haunted us or are slowly killing our spirits when we come to the Table. It’s only by God’s amazing grace that we are made free.


ENDNOTES

Garland, “Original Meaning” In NIV Application Commentary, New Testament: Mark. 202-218. Grand Rapids:MI Zondervan © 1996.
“Sacra Pagina” Mark 173
O’Day, 247
O’Day 248
O’Day, 250

Sunday Thought - When Your Church is Waiting for It's Second Wind

Okay, I finally had my first very minor freak out at church recently. Seems there have been a few people that a year and months after the SP's departure are still struggling with things related to that. It's not important to list those details, but I guess it could summarized in "at least in Egypt we knew what to expect. In the desert it's new every day."

From what I understand from my very healthy and in shape running friends, the ultimate test is to run a marathon. I had thought about it when I was much thinner, exercised to "wog" (walk/job) the 26.2 mile endeavor) as part of the Lukeumia Society's "Team in Training." I went as far as reaching my financial goal to participate yet found myself struggling in the training department. The people in the running group were runners. I am not. They were sleek, toned, conditioned and experienced. I was thin for me, but no where near their physical condition. At the end of my first morning I left and cried in the bathroom at home feeling like I was an absolute failure. From that point on I had conditioned myself to believe that I would never succeed in the experience and of course fulfilled my own self-fulfilling prophecy.

A few years ago, I came to discover something I didn't know about churches. Churches are full of imperfect people. For those of you who are more astute than I, you probably already knew that. I, on the other hand am either too Pollyanna-ish, or just incredibly slow on the uptake. When I began working in church life, it was amazing to discover that the individuals who "do" church on Sundays struggle with the same behaviors, personalities, doubts and flaws as those in the pews do. I guess somewhere in the process, I thought that leaders were farther along in the sanctification process than pew people. What I discovered was that outside of the service, people are people. When I began to step into leadership, the areas and issues I dealt with seemed to fly up into my face on a daily basis. It is a challenge to think that others look to you as a source of hope and wisdom for their spiritual lives when sometimes you are asking yourself the same questions that they are. When churches (and leadership) struggle it's often because we have lost sight of our own limitations, we hold someone to a higher standard of behavior than we hold ourselves to ("I want a Pastor/leader to be the kind of Christian I can't be") or we just can't let go of the past and begin to move forward in hope.

So - back to the minor freak moment. I had left knowing that there were at least two families on the "departing the church" fence. One had already notified me that they were leaving. Because we're a small church, and thus a small Children's Ministries program, any family that leaves creates a significant dent in our percentages. When I arrived back, the dent was a 10%+ decline rate in our Children's numbers. I'm thankful to learn that all the families that I spoke with over the past few months that were leaning towards departure were doing so for reasons outside of the ministry area I have oversight to - yet saddened nonetheless to see them leave. A second blow came when I arrived back into the office and discovered our Student Ministries Director had submitted their resignation. That's when the freak happened. Not because of the resignation, but of what that might signify to individuals - would they think that the health of Children/Youth programs were at stake? Was there something going on that they should be concerned about? For me - the inevitable questions was "would I have a job this time next year?" followed by "*$&%, I found a place that I sync with, and is that in jepoardy?"

God, my Spiritual Director tells me, is more concerned with my willingness to obey than my obedience when all the dots are connecting. It's the reminder that humanity is in the dark no matter how clearly we think we see the picture before us. When our community moves forward with a pledge drive to secure finances for our SP position, we are moving foward in the belief that not only is this church going to be here in twelve months, but we will be moving forward in vision and purpose under the leadership of an SP. When I am creating my budget for Children's Ministries, I am believing that outreach and connecting with the community will become a bigger part of what we do as a community than it has during this hibernation period. When we search for an interim Youth Director, we're letting parents know that nothing will stall, and we're moving forward believing for new things for our youth. Where before I would have wanted to polish off the resume at the first sign of trouble, I came out of the moment more committed to the ministry set before me. God has (and is) calling me to radical trust in this area. There are good things waiting to happen, transition happens. And yes, it often takes much longer to happen than we think it should.

Leaders are not perfect. Pastors (and ministry staff) are no different than anyone else, with the minor exception that we may be more aware of our weaknesses to the extent that we're vulnerable before God. Our community has been running the equivalent of a marathon these past few months/years and we are hitting the proverbial 24.0 mile marker. I hear this for some is the "wall" point. Where you are willing to cash in all your chips and just stop believing you don't have enough stuff left in you to finish the race. For some people in the community, I think this is where they are at. Change takes time. It's hard to keep moving forward when one is not totally sure where you are going. It's been a long season, and the ending point still isn't in clear sight. Perhaps it would have been better to never have started the journey at all, rather finding something else to do (or place to worship)instead.

But it's after the wall that you hit your second wind. That energy that comes seemingly out of nowhere to propell you towards the finish. For us, that wind takes place in the interview that is happening across the hall for an Interim Youth Director, the Search Committee who is having second interviews with applicants, the Children's Ministry team who is gearing up for VBS with kickoff Sunday today and recruiting for Summer Children's Church. It's reminding ourselves that we are a part of something greater than what we can physically see - and this is the point of the race we're running that we sometimes need to focus our eyes on the crowd of witness cheering us on while waiting for the finish line to come more clearly into focus.

With a little help from my friends

It's Sunday night and I'm sitting in a LaQuinta Inn hotel room in Fresno, CA. This is the final pit stop on the "couch trip express." I am finding it hard to believe that after tomorrow, I'll be back in the real world again. And - looking forward to my next vacation in June.

Here are a few of the highlights:


I've never been called "grandma" before!: P, my best friend's little boy (age 5 1/2) shared in his J-Kindergarten class that he thought his grandma was coming to visit him that afternoon. Wow, now I know that I must look old to a 5 year old! He now has the distinct privilege of being the only person anywhere on the face of the earth who can call me grandma and live!

How fast time flies: It's hard to believe that P's sister M has just turned 8. She is becoming a darling little girl who is intelligent, sensitive, funny and athletic. Her passion is gymnastics and I marvel at the way that she moves her body so effortlessly on and off of a balance beam.

Friends: My former Rector in Beverly Hills told me that the relationships that I make in seminary would last a lifetime. Fuller has given me an opportunity to cross paths with so many - and there are 5 in particular that I can't imagine not having them a part of my world. This past week I was able to catch up with them. We had a great dinner Thursday night at my friend E's new home - she and her fiance R just purchased a home and we all had a chance to catch up there. Two of the group introduced us to their new significant others and the others (me that is!) enjoyed the introduction.

pampering is in: I finally used the last of the spa coupons that I have been saving since 2004 - yes you read correctly. Thursday I had a mini spa morning with a massage, mani/pedi and the Langham (former Ritz Carlton in Pasadena). The grounds are gorgeous, the time and quiet sublime and there's that little girl that all women have that loved to be pampered and have her nails done. On Saturday I took N back to the hotel for high tea. While we were there we had a chance to watch an outdoor wedding on the back lawn of the hotel - with a couple of my friends marrying this year I'm once again caught up in the news and pre wedding plans of friends. Two pots of tea, a wide variety of treats later we left happy and pampered.

Unexpected Surprises: ASL Story Time at the Deaf West Theatre in Hollywood. My friend E is taking certification courses in ASL and I got to tag along while she completed an assignment. Signed by a member of the Theatre, Rainbow Fish, Peter Rabbit and Wonderful Nature, Wonderful You were signed for both hearing and non hearing children and adults. Watching the dance between the spoken and unspoken word was beautiful to watch, especially as hearing impaired children had a chance to participate in something as simple as sharing a story together.

Griffith Park: My friend S surprised me this morning by taking me to lunch and then time at the Griffith Park Observatory. It had been closed for several years for major refurbishing and retrofitting and I guess opened up again last year. I can't wait to post the pics. The new presentation that the observatory has "Centered in the Universe" is a beautiful mixture of music, sight, sound and story woven together in a way that engages the audience in the quest for what lies outside of the world that we know. With hands on demonstrations and some incredible new exhibits it is worth the visit - especially when the only admission ($7) is for the presentation.

Good Friends: I lived in LA for over 14 years and there are two women in particular who I consider good friends. J, is the mom of P and M, my former roommate. We still have the ability to return to "roommate speak", finishing or saying the same thing at exactly the same time. S is a creative, passionate woman who enjoys life. 3 years is too long not to see each other, yet the test of friendship I guess can be that we pick up without missing a beat when we're together, no matter how much time has passed.

Well, it's after midnight, and I am going to pack it in for now. Tomorrow/today I am going to the cemetary to take care of my dad's grave and hopefully take a drive along the blossom trail which should be beautiful this time of year. It's been over five years since I've been in the city and I am curious to see how much it's changed. Then it's home to my little Diva Dog, my awesome roommie who has been taking care of her all week and life as usual.

Quiet Time

My drive down to Santa Barbara was an absolutely beautiful drive. I was totally surprised not to hit any real traffic to speak of during Tuesday morning commute on the 101 going through San Jose. The wet winter has created some of the most beautiful hillscapes that I have seen as I drove through the Central Coast. It's been so long since I've visted San Luis Obispo or Atascadero that I have forgotten their quaint, charm and beach city vibe. Going the legal speed limit, I made Santa Barbara in about 4.5 hours and found my way up into the Santa Barbara Hills



to Mount Calvary Retreat House and Monastery:



Mt. Calvary is an Episcopal/Anglican Monastic Order of the Holy Cross which follows the rules of St. Benedict. They are known for their gift of hospitality to the visitor/guest and go out of their way to ensure that your time at the retreat house/monastery is a blessed on.



The view today was absolutely gorgeous. A rain storm was headed inland and so the whispy clouds hung over the tips of the hills throughout the day. The brothers who call Mt. Calvary home have an ecclectic palate of life experiences, and talents. Brother William is an avid gardener who has been a part of the Botanical Gardens in Santa Barbara for years. Brother Roy produces some of the most beautiful caligraphy work I have ever seen, Brother Lawrence is an avid astronomer to at one time was a docent with JPL going to schools in the area. I have a couple of his photographs taken during a meteror shower with behind the large iron cross standing in the midst of their courtyard. Another recent addition to the home is Brother Joseph who last time I was there was involved in "writing" an icon (writing is a spiritual practice of drawing/painting a sacred picture.)

It amazing to me that a place like this one can literally produce such a sense of peace and openness to the sacred within me each time I visit. I hesitate using the phrase "sacred space" because the reality is that everywhere we go - we bring Christ/God into the space thus making it sacred and holy - but there are places that seem to be a bit easier to be open to God in. The Irish call these places "the thin places"; spots where the veil between the natural and supernatural world are very thin. I can feel my body begin to relax almost immediately, my constant movement forward grind to a complete halt when I arrive and walk into the chapel for prayers.
I think I am a closet monastic - there is something that resonates so deep in me with the rhythm of daily prayer in a community. That was one of the things that I do mmiss the most about not working at my old church in Beverly Hills. Every day no matter what the entire staff gathered together for noonday prayer. It was difficult at first to pull away from what I was working on, but as soon as I developed the pattern, I came to find great enjoyment.

When I left the familiar, it was a challenge to take the rhythm that I had made for myself into another environment. Praying by myself at morning, noonday and compline seemed hollow and empty. Even though I was praying the "we" in the Offices, I still felt separated.

I'm thankful that many Protestants are now becoming aware of the importance of developing sacred spaces and a value for the rhythms normally found in monastic communities. I just recently discovered a Protestant Monastic Community in the Bay Area that gathers several times a week for evening prayer - hopefully I will get the guts up to check it out soon.

In the meantime today marked a special day for me. I decided about a year ago to apply for membership as an Associate of the Holy Cross. Briefly,these are men and women who support the work of the Order through prayer, community and financial endeavors. While they do not live in a monastic community, they stay connected through developing their own "Rule of Life", and engaging in active spiritual practices that have meaning for them. I extended my 6 month probationary period when I made the decision to formally leave the ECUSA for personal reasons at that time.

Today, however, I formally was received as an Associate. It signified that I have finally come to a place where I can say that I have made peace with the fact that how I would participate in ordained ministry will look different than my vision. Metaphorically speaking I cut the last cords this past year and now am ready to engage wherever God is placing me. And - it appears that God is moving in some interesting places of late. It's too early to speak about them but I would appreciate your prayers.

Here are some more pics of the surrounding plants and other to enjoy. I'm working on a labyrinth photo prayer which I hope to have up soon.

Ah rest!

Did you feel the earthquake? You should have because it is official - I am on VACATION! I left Tuesday morning for Southern California. First stop is Santa Barbara where I will be starting my time off the right way with a stay in one of the most hospitable monasteries - Mt. Calvary. Then I am off to friends in Santa Clarita. The rest of the time will be spent connecting with friends from Fuller, LA and other places, a well needed hair cut from the master of all stylists who used to do my hair in LA, cashing in gift certificates at the Ritz Carlton Pasadena (or whatever it is called now). Then heading back to the Bay Area via Fresburg (otherwise known as Fresno) to take care of my dad's gravesite and hopefully have a cup of java with a highschool friend I've recently reconnected with via Facebook.

I'll post some pic's shortly as a reflection of my time away!